i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
