oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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