You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
