Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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