just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
