the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
