Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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