hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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