never play flip cup with pint glasses
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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