mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
