onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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