Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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