Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
