The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
