apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
