The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
