dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
