bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How external is "for external use only"?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
