Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
