I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
