I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
