He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
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she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
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btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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