My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
