she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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