oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
