Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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