if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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