I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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