I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
