I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
