i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
