I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
