Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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