His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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