just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
