i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
