Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
