I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
