My sheets look like a crime scene.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
