I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
