I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
