i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize