I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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I threw up into my coffee this morning.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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