I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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