how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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