Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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