I feel like I'm in dance class right now
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
