Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
