You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
