You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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