Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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