i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
