we're chasing vodka with high fives
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
