I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
