I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
