So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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