don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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