why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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