Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
