tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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