I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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