Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
