No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
