Whod you bang
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
