found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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