Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
