she was so not down for the gang bang
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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