He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
