I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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