sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
