In the future we'll all be gay
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
