He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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