how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
