He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
