the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
