Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
