evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
