Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
