Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
