there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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