If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
