You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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