I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
