how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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