You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
