Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
