New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize