So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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