If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
