i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
