I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
