They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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