dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
