I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
