You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
